Everyone Wants to Kill their Mother

kill your mother

If you steep yourself in the world of psychoanalysis, you’ll soon believe that everyone wants to kill their mother. Do you want to kill your mother?

If you think not, a good analyst might suspect you of denial.

Let’s not confuse this post with the infamous Oedipus Complex, in which young boys don’t want to kill their mother. They want to fuck her. Dad is the one who gets killed in this fantasy. For girls, the Electra Complex serves the same repressive desire to kill mom and have her way with dad.

In this post, we’re merely referring to the less dramatic desire to off good ole mom. And we should take it somewhat seriously. Children do kill their parents. And moms kill their kids.  It’s not something to trifle with. Are kids who actually kill their parents much different than the rest of us? Or do they simply have less impulse control? Are kids who kill their parents just further to the side of a sliding scale of parent-killing desire?

If the psychoanalysts are correct, we all have repressed desires to eliminate our mother (or parents). These desires may manifest as chronic anger or irritation at mom. In psychoanalytic theory, these dark desires fall under the name of aggression. And boy does humanity have a nasty case of aggression. It may end the world and I know that you don’t need to see the evidence. The inhabitants of the earth may very well destroy themselves.

Universal Aggression

Are we all struggling with aggression, suppressing desires to kill and maim and destroy? According to Freudian types, you betcha. In fact, repressing such desires, according to the theory, requires a ton of psychic (not tarot card stuff) energy. And it creates anxiety and depression and shame. To struggle with unconscious manifestations of aggression while we’re hell-bent on showing the world a happy face. That may sum up human psychology well.

It doesn’t tell us what to do when we suspect the presence of a deep pool of pure hostility, resting beneath the surface. The only saving grace may be that this unseemly condition may be the norm. Everyone is fighting the same inner beast, to one degree or another.

What do Do with your Burning Rage

According to psychoanalysts? Stop kicking the dog and un-repress yourself. De-repressing – letting the rage OUT, is more of a process (that could take years) than an event. Which may be a good thing if you think about it. Imagine a lifetime of anger suddenly breaking through to the surface. You might explode.

I once frequented a Reichian therapist who insisted that emotional blockages must be cleared slowly. She was right. There are breakthroughs from time to time but if you intend to clear decades of emotional baggage, plan to spend time. What else are you going to do? Continue to inwardly stew on it? Let it continue to build up until you self-destruct? Do your work of letting go and treat it as a lifestyle. It’s really the only option.

Find a practice that accesses and releases deep emotions and then practice, practice, practice until you die.

The Brief Therapies

And then there are the brief therapies that suggest our issues need to take a long time to clear. If you take this claim at face value, it’s total bullshit and no one knows it better than practitioners of brief therapy.

Brief therapy can be immensely valuable for resolving a litany of problems. It’s focused, pragmatic and much less expensive. Yet, there’s no brief cure for a lifetime of repressed rage. Now, you can engage in brief therapy for a long time – that’s an option. But don’t think some slick NLP or hypnosis practitioner is going to swish away these issues or restructure their thoughts in a session or two.

This is coming from me, an NLP trainer at the iNLP Center. The iNLP Center certifies NLP practitioners, many of who are life coaches that want to offer fast and friendly solutions to their clients.

The Final Word

It’s part of the human condition. Anger, rage, and self-centered discontent make up part of who each of us is. It behooves us to do something about it and it’s not a quick fix. If you’re carrying around a cesspool of rage, you’re 100% normal. Find a form of healing release and stick with it. Don’t expect overnight results. You’ll just be angry when they don’t happen.